OK, I crashed. Complete meltdown, tears, exhaustion, wipe out. Striving to do more, be more, carry my head up, cover the bases, keep things moving has this effect on me. It's a thing I've been doing and learning about since the cancer treatments. They drained me of physical and emotional energy like nothing I had experienced before. It was a bit of a surprise to find that when I recovered from them it still happened! Not as frequently and I do recover a little faster but I still fall into a huge pot hole that only doing nothing of consequence, or requiring any creativity or problem solving, will resolve.
It's more than a little humbling.
I took a day to do only things that didn't require thought, kept to myself, read, sat, recouped. I feel better today. From now on I'll try to act a little less frantically, pacing myself again, like I did before; wish like anything I could see the signs before the meter goes into the red. My progress, I guess, will be measured by the length of the interval and the ensuing trauma when it happens. How fast can I keep from inflating it into a national catastrophe and just stop to rest?
Sooner rather than later I hope. Sigh.
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